Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
