I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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