So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
