I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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