I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
