The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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