Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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