I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
