lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
