apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
