i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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