you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
