Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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