Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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