Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
