phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
