guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
