he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm bleeding and have questions
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
