apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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