i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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