I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
