Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
