I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
