Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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