Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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