from now on my penis is your penis
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
