Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
