Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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