am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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