Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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