Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
