why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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