he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
