I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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