it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
