stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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