tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
