the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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