Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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