My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
