I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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