You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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