38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
