I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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