hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
