Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
