She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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