she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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