i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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