How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
