Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
