i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you inspire me to be a worse person
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
