So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
