She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
