I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
