Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
