You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
